I don't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point in my life I didn't need a Mr. Yuk on something to know I shouldn't drink it, eat it, or spray it in my eyes. I don't think it took some ER visit to get to that point either. I just knew that if I put that stuff inside me, it wouldn't be good for me. It could hurt me, maybe even kill me. It's poisonous.
Funny how I never drank poison, but I willingly poured it into my ears for hours a day, every day. Not literally, but in the music I listened to. The music wasn't really the problem, but the lyrics were. It's amazing what messages I would willingly download into my brain just because I liked the music. Truth be told, I began really liking those messages. They became who I was. Or, more accurately, I became those messages. Messages to hurt myself, hurt others, be angry, stay angry, love wrong, live wrong, give up, lose hope, let go. And this is how I felt, every day.
Galatians 6:7-9 says "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
I definitely remember the night that I realized I was poisoning myself through the junk I was listening to. I had a dream, a vision, so real, so gripping, that I woke up shaking, scared to the point of tears. It wasn't even so much what I saw, but how it made me feel. I felt like this blackness, pure darkness, evil, was completely overtaking me, filling every cell of my body. And I was powerless, totally paralyzed and unable to resist as it consumed me. It felt like I was living death. Here I was: a senior in high school, 6'4" tall, 235 lbs, varsity football player, varsity wrestler - nothing scared me. But I was terrified. I went whimpering to my dad and asked him to pray for me. I knew this was spiritual, demonic, and there was only ONE that could help me.
That night saved my life. As I went back to bed I knew what it was all about. God revealed immediately that I needed to change what I was listening to. I slowly, more slowly than I should have, began tossing out CDs. It had begun. A collection of CDs and tapes (dating myself now) that I had accumulated over the course of 6 years was about to be replaced. I was taking my mind back. Darkness was not going to have me anymore.
I re-committed myself to God. I listened to things that supported my commitment. I wouldn't, couldn't let myself listen to those things my flesh so desperately wanted. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't instant, but I lost my desire to hear those things anymore. My mind had been renewed. I was sowing, planting the right messages inside my mind.
An interesting change happened. I wasn't angry all the time. I stopped feeling hopeless. I started seeing value in myself. I no longer wanted to give up, let go, or live a life apart from God. I felt stronger. I felt more like myself. I felt right.
Proverbs 6:5 - sometimes deliverance requires radical, extreme, "overboard" actions. Just like a deer escaping a hunter or a bird escaping from a trap. It's the fight of your life.
I'm not willing to go back. I'm not willing to let go of who I am. I'm not willing to trade in who God has created me to be for some trashy version of myself. I will never go back to that stuff. Not that the temptation isn't there. But He always gives me a way of escape when I'm tempted. And as I continue to surround myself with the right influences the temptation and desire disappears. Thank you, God, for not letting me destroy myself!
Music is so poweful. It's so easy to sneak messages that are opposite of God's Word into something that has the right beat or sound. And it's so easily absorbed into our memories that it's difficult to remove. All the more reason to be cautious and selective about what I allow in.
Extreme? You bet. Too much? Tell that to the angry, hopeless, miserable person I used to be.
No, I'll continue to stay completely and totally committed to my God and His cause.
Psalm 91 - He's got me covered. No longer afraid of the terror by night. It won't come near me again. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for your protection, not only of my body but my mind!
Philippians 4:7-9 - Think on these things, allow these messages in, and He will bring peace to my mind and guard my heart!
#alivealertunashamed
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